Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)


Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

September 16th — via speakington (originally thisisanatattack) 225,988 notes

lacigreen:

hey-assbutt-its-a-parade:

finndicate:

vjezze:

Amsterdam is turning rainbow for a visit of the Russian president Putin. The council of the city of Amsterdam has decided to hang out the gay pride flag on all council owned buildings and offices, in protest to Russia’s new anti-gay law.

there’s several of these as well;image

pretty sure Amsterdam is now the sass capital of the world

this is the actual best thing


September 15th — via smileforthetardis (originally vjezze) 418,218 notes

twinking:

hell is gonna be one big gay party


September 15th — via punalious (originally twinking) 9,586 notes

fightbears-benchdragons:

imgonnamakeachange:

damn

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

(Source: twirpy)


September 15th — via effie-trinkets (originally twirpy) 237,968 notes

fuckingplebe:

peetaspenis:

fuckingplebe:

also lol can we take a moment to acknowledge that Gale’s arrow misses that hovercraft while Katniss’ arrow is the one to take them BOTH down like YEAH SON FUCK SOME CAPITOL SHIT UP

we all know gale specializes in bombs

image


September 15th — via conversefiregirl (originally fuckingplebe) 1,938 notes

(Source: memeking69)


September 15th — via castiels-trench-c0at (originally memeking69) 93,289 notes
#me 

dynastylnoire:

tormans-space:

helioscentrifuge:

helltothenaw:

paainfully:

I love the earthy colors in this outfit, but I didn’t really have anywhere to wear it so pictures will do.
Also the manager of the local sushi place was so impressed with my shitty japanese that he gave me his number, that made my day lol.

image

YEAH NO THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT UPON SEEING HER WAS “OH MY GOD SHE’S A TARGARYEN”

SAME^

ME TOO!


September 15th — via castiels-trench-c0at (originally paainfully) 70,902 notes

gonzozeppeli:

Just like grammar used to make

(Source: trexjose)


September 14th — via imstuckathome (originally trexjose) 134,520 notes

makanidotdot:

so since the russians washed back on shore and stuff their robot is still destroyed so they’ll need to raise a new one from scratch

yea you fuckin heard me


September 14th — via liamdryden (originally makanidotdot) 10,148 notes

r-emnant:

i went shopping for school supplies yesterday


September 14th — via smileforthetardis (originally r-emnant) 33,326 notes

shut-up-im-superman:

"I don’t understand bisexuality, I don’t think it exists"

well I don’t understand physics but you don’t see me floating off into space because gravity no longer applies to me


September 14th — via conversefiregirl (originally shut-up-im-superman) 50,483 notes

cistro:

Am i a womfn? Am i a womfn?

September 13th — via tyleroakley (originally cistro) 132,180 notes

yung-barce:

Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! BILL!


September 13th — via lalnable (originally yung-barce) 8,365 notes

(Source: captainstormwind)

September 13th — via fredslastjoke (originally captainstormwind) 244,625 notes

What do we say to the god of death?


Persephone: knock knock
Hades: who's there?
Persephone: it's September hope you're ready to bang like a screen door in a hurricane







DS